You Don't Know You're Going to Be OK Yet • Ep 73
Have you ever gone through something yucky in your life that just came out of nowhere and left you thinking “why me”?
Sometimes we feel blindsided by something that we don’t understand how it happened, why it happened, or how long it’s going to last. And we find ourselves wondering if life will ever get back to normal. What if we could soften experiences like that just a little with some change in perspective?
Friends, humor me for a few minutes as I relate a vivid experience to you from the perspective of my 8-month-old German Shepherd puppy, Kali. Here’s how her day unfolded:
A Normal, Happy Morning
Good morning Dad! Let’s snuggle on the couch and watch some TV before Mom wakes up. Yay, Dad’s grabbing the leashes. It must be time for our morning walk through the woods. I sniff all the usual trees.
We’re running up the stairs now to go back inside. Hmm, that’s weird, Mom’s not making breakfast. I’m hungry, but I don’t smell any eggs being scrambled. I’ll just wrestle with my buddy Jasper for a bit until it's ready.
Surprise Car Ride
Wait, why is Dad attaching the leash to my collar again? Are we going somewhere? OOhh, it looks like we’re going for a ride in the jeep– sweet! But why aren’t Mom & Jasper coming? I’ve never been on a ride with just Dad before. Yeah, I love feeling the wind in my face with my head out the window.
Hmm, the car’s slowing down now. Ok, I recognize this place. Dad brought me to the vet. Hey– he’s leaving! Who’s this woman holding my leash? I don’t know this person. I don’t see any people I recognize here!
Where Did He Leave Me?
What is this place? I’ve never seen this room when I came here with Mom and Dad. I’m feeling nervous, and I see we’re walking past a few other dogs in cages, and they don’t look happy to be here. This feels like a bad, scary place.
And now she’s putting me in a cage all by myself. I can hear the other dogs whining and whimpering. Sounds like they don’t know what’s going on either.
I DO NOT like this little cage. It’s just like when I was living in the shelter, and also like the cage from my long van ride across the country with Jasper and the other rescue pups before I was adopted. I don’t want to be here.
I don’t like this one bit. I’m upset and angry that my Dad brought me here. And my Mom just kissed me goodbye and let me come here, knowing I’d be treated like this. Aren’t my humans supposed to protect me and keep me safe?
Scary Stuff I Can’t Control
Shh, I hear footsteps. A woman is opening my cage. She’s petting my fur and walking me somewhere.
Now I feel several people holding me down. Whoa– what the heck is that loud noise? I can feel vibrations on my belly and arm as they shave off some of my fur. Why are they doing that? Did I do something wrong? I don’t like the way this feels.
This room has bright lights, strange noises and strange smells too. Ow! I think they just jabbed me with a needle! Now there’s a weird, hot feeling running through my body, and I feel woozy. I’m fully knocked out.
What Just Happened?
Whoa…what just happened? My eyes are blinking open, and it’s hard to see. I feel oddly groggy. It seems I’m back in the small cage again in this strange part of the vet’s office.
I hear other dogs barking and whining as they move around in their own cages. Am I in danger? And I can’t tell where it’s coming from, but something smells funny on me, like strong antiseptic. I don’t like it.
Ouch! The more I wake up, the more parts of me that I notice are hurting. I’m so confused! I don’t understand why my body feels so different. And my arm is itchy where they shaved my fur. I can see it, but I can’t nibble at it to relieve the itchiness because I’ve got a hard plastic thing around my head. How annoying!
I hear my stomach growling and physically feel it churning. Mom and Dad never fed me breakfast, and I think I already missed lunch, too. Have they left me here? Is this my new home? Is anyone going to bring me some food?
Dad Comes to the Rescue
Here’s that lady again putting me on a leash. Ouch, why does it hurt to stand and walk? I better yelp so she knows I’m hurting.
Yay! Oh my goodness my Dad's finally here. He’s bending down to kiss my head and he’s walking me to the jeep. I think we’re going back home. Ouch- why did it hurt when he put me in the car? This cone thing around my neck is obnoxious. And why can’t I get comfortable? Usually car rides are fun, but this one sucks.
The car stopped again and I can see that we’re home now. Dad lifts me out carefully and puts me on my feet. The leash feels super short, and he won’t let me run at all, even though I’m so excited to be home. He’s helping me walk very slowly up the stairs. Why is this hard to do now?
This Used to be My Safe Place
Hey, what happened to my house? All the furniture is blocked off. I can't climb up onto the couches, ottomans, or bed. And what's this new giant wire metal thing in our living room? This is supposed to be my safe place, but it doesn’t feel like home anymore.
Aah, finally this cone thing is coming off– yay. But hey hey– what the heck did Dad just put on my head now? It feels like a giant pillow around my neck. And in the brief moment when I had nothing blocking my view, I realized I’m wearing this weird bodysuit. Who’s idea of fashion is this?
Why am I Being Punished?
I'm still hungry and feel oddly tired.
I can't get comfy on furniture– it’s all blocked off. I can’t jump up on the bed to look out the window– the bed is blocked off too. I’m no longer allowed to chase my buddy Jasper, play tug of war, or join him on walks.
It feels like I'm being punished. What did I do wrong to deserve this? It's not fair.
This morning I could run, jump on furniture, and play with Jasper, but now I can’t. I don’t understand what happened to me, why it happened, or even know how long this will last. Will things ever be normal again, or is this just what my life is like now?
When Everything Suddenly Changes
Friends, that’s how I imagine Kali’s experience felt. I’m guessing she thinks her body and world have permanently changed because she can't see beyond her current experience. And as humans we often go thorough this exact same thing!
I see Kali’s pain, do what I can to make her feel better, and wish it didn’t hurt so much. Her surgery was just a few days ago and she’s actively IN IT still, and she doesn’t have all the information.
But from my perspective, I know some things that she doesn’t.
We Don’t Always Have the Full Picture
I know why she's hurting, she had her spay surgery. I know why we made the decision to get this surgery for her, to protect her health and prevent unwanted attention from other dogs.
I know we blocked the furniture, put a protective suit on her body, and a soft donut ring around her neck to keep her from hurting herself during recovery. I know we’re limiting her interactions with Jasper so he doesn’t accidentally hurt her wounds. I know she's going to be okay and back to normal in two weeks. I know this is only temporary and isn't her new life.
But Kali doesn’t know or understand any of that, and I have no way to communicate it to her.
And I’m sharing this story with you, because isn’t this what it's like when we humans are in the middle of something painful? We can never see the bigger picture while we’re dealing with a current frustration, challenge, or disappointment. As I thought about what this experience was like for her, it brought up some timely mindset reminders that I encourage you to think about.
This Too Shall Pass
If you’re going through something scary or messy right now, like an unexpected illness divorce, financial hardship, or something else, know that you’re not the ONLY one who has experienced this. Everybody goes through STUFF in this life, even those people who seem to be perfectly happy, successful, and well-balanced.
My sweet Kali has no idea that our dog Jasper had a similar surgery at six months old, before we adopted him. She has no idea that he also had to recover for a couple of weeks because she’s always known him as he is now: strong, active, happy and healthy. She missed the part where he was likely wearing a cone, sleeping in a wire crate by himself, and hurting.
Whatever difficult situation you find yourself in, know that others have likely experienced the same thing and made it through it. This too shall pass. Will what’s happening now matter a year from now? Five years from now?
Remember Your Own Resilience
You've never NOT gotten through a difficult circumstance. You're alive, you're here in the now, and the difficult or challenging events you experienced several years ago are likely over.
What’s something in your own life that you felt you’d never get through…but you DID? Let that serve as your own personal reminder of your own resilience, and the fact that most challenges aren’t permanent.
You Don’t Know the Rest of the Story Yet
In our human lives we can't see the lessons we'll learn, the strengths and skills we'll gain, or how anything good could possibly come from our difficult situations, events, and circumstances. The current moment isn't the whole story. Kali doesn’t know she's going to feel better within two weeks, that her recovery outfit will be gone, that she’ll be able to run, play, wrestle, and jump on the furniture again. How could she know that?
And she also can’t possibly understand why the people she loves allowed this painful thing to happen to her, or why they’re restricting parts of her life right now. Because these are the people she loves and trusts; the people who usually provide safety and care for her.
When life STUFF happens to us, we can’t picture who we’ll be on the other side of challenges until we get there. At least most of us can't.
We get so wrapped up in the yuck of being in it, the difficult experience, that most of us stay absorbed in it until it's over, until we're beyond the experience. I've personally cried over jobs or opportunities I didn't get, only to find better fits for me later that I wouldn't have found if I had been happily employed.
Adversity Stings in the moment, doesn’t it?
Way earlier in life, in high school, I remember being so upset that the boy I wanted to date, who wanted to date me, got tired of waiting for me to turn 16 and chose another girl. That really hurt. But before high school was over, I met the boy who became my long-term boyfriend and now husband of 35 years. Would I ever have met him if I'd been dating the other boy?
Looking back now, I want to hug the teenage me and say “I see you. I feel your pain. But you have no idea that a life-changing blessing is about to come your way!”
What if the future version of you could sit beside you right now? Not necessarily to tell you why something happened or to promise that everything will work out exactly the way you want. Just to say: Honey, you don't know the rest of the story yet.
I think this could be a great journalling opportunity. What door slammed shut for you that eventually led to something even more fantastic? And what do you wish future-you would say to you now?
Finding Meaning After the Mess
Friends, I've seen so many people who've transformed their lives on the other side of adversity. Like the woman who survived two abusive marriages that both ended in divorce, only to find the love of her life and a healthy relationship several years later. Or my own experience– getting laid off from a job I loved, looking for work but not finding it, and using the bountiful free time to start a new fulfilling hobby that fuels my soul– this podcast!
When you make it to the other side of an adversity, something special sometimes happens. Sometimes life presents you with the opportunity to help another person going through something similar because now you truly understand what it feels like. To a friend dealing with a similar situation, the new you is the best person to help because you know. You lived it. You remember the struggle, the feelings, the pain, and you know what helped and what didn't.
One widow helping another, one single parent helping another, one recovered alcoholic helping a newly identified alcoholic, and so on and so on. Your current pain could become someone else's blessing via future you. And many of the people I know in the wellness and healing professions do what they do because of what they’ve overcome earlier in their own lives, and now they choose to help others with similar challenges.
As unthinkable and upside-down as it seems, our current suffering may become meaningful because we may be able to eventually use what we’ve learned through the experience. And you don't have to believe bad things happen for a reason in order to find meaning from them afterward.
Pondering Higher Perspectives
What if, in our own lives, we're sometimes like Kali, and whatever is beyond us has a perspective we don't have?
I believe there is a higher plan and intelligence at work in our lives. Something beyond us that has a perspective of the bigger picture we can’t see. Something that orchestrates events for our growth to help us even if the events seem unfair, horrible, tragic, or otherwise no good. I believe this something has many names, that some call it God, Source, higher self, or whatever resonates with you.
Maybe you believe God's divine wisdom gives you exactly what you need for growth but never more than you can handle, like the Bible mentions. We all have different perspectives about what life is and how it works beyond societal beliefs, religion, or peer pressure.
Maybe you believe life is simply a series of circumstances from which we create meaning. Maybe you don't know what you believe.
What if This Isn’t the End of Your Story?
When unexpected junk hits our lives, we experience pain, uncertainty, as well as a lack of perspective. When we’re faced with hard junk, sometimes we may be feeling like Kali’s feeling right now.
But most of us believe in some way or another that there's more to our existence than what we experience here on earth in this lifetime. And an interesting question to think about is, What if this, what’s happening in my life right now that I don’t like, is NOT the end of my story?
Until next time, have a fabulous week my friends!
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