Why to Express & Release Your Anger Instead of Stuffing It • Betti Rooted Lionheart • Ep 75
Rage can be a scary word, but let’s talk about it. Betti Rooted Lionheart, a shamanic healer, joined me to share why so many of us (especially women) learned to stuff heavy feelings like anger, and how we can safely feel, express, and release those emotions instead.
The Difference Between Anger and Rage
A dictionary definition will say something like anger is a negative feeling that we can kind of contain, whereas rage is that negative feeling uncontained and often harmfully put out into the world onto other people. But there is another way to understand rage.
In the United States, women are taught to not express our anger, while it’s much more socially acceptable for men to express anger. Over many years and even decades, that unexpressed anger can cumulatively become rage. Betti explained the important distinction that our rage does not have to be dangerous. We can, and really need to, feel, express, and release our rage safely without harming others.
Where Does the Rage Come From?
The anger and rage we carry can come from anywhere. It can be from current personal experiences, old anger from childhood, or it can come from the junk and craziness happening around us in the world today. Betti’s own despair for the Earth began when she was seven as she learned about environmental destruction.
The hard and heavy feelings can stem from personal childhood traumas, global events, and anything in between. Sometimes, simply being aware of what is happening in the world means we are going to have heavy feelings about it.
Why We Stuff Hard Feelings Down
Part of what makes it difficult to release anger is the societal message that we should only put out positive vibes to attract positive things into our lives. But you can only stuff negative feelings down for so long before they erupt like a volcano.
Betti explained that to authentically put out positive energy and attract what we want, we first have to stop stuffing our emotions. We need to feel, express, and release them instead of ignoring them.
A Safe Way to Release Anger
One of the things Betti loves to share is what she calls a raging practice. She calls hers the "Raging Betti" practice and encourages others to use their own names. It starts with recognizing the hard, heavy, or "yucky" feelings. As women, we often won't recognize it immediately as anger or rage, but simply as a yucky feeling. That’s when we can pause and decide to use this practice.
The next step is to find a safe place where no one can see or hear you. You can set yourself up on the floor or in a chair with a bolster, folded blankets, or a pile of pillows in front of you. Then, allow yourself to pummel those cushions while using your voice to express your feelings. Allow yourself to scream, shout, and say the ugly things that want to come out. The goal is not to harm someone else with the rage. The goal is to feel it, express it, and release it safely.
Rage Dancing to Release Anger
If pounding on pillows doesn’t feel right for you, it is okay to start somewhere else, such as rage dancing. Instead of cushions, choose music with a strong beat and move your body by hopping around, moving your arms, and vocalizing. This will likely feel uncomfortable at first, but Betti encourages you to stick with it.
Ultimately, it feels so good on the other side, once you’ve finished the practice. That’s why we do it, so that we can release the emotions and take the next steps in our lives.
Don’t Hide Rage From Your Children
After doing this practice for a few years, Betti realized she didn't want to hide it from her two teenage sons, but rather model it for them. She called them into the living room, explained what she was going to do and why, and asked them to witness her as she released her feelings about what was happening in the world. It turned into a beautiful experience where they held sacred space for her.
Once the energy moved through her, they had a meaningful conversation. It gave her sons the space to express their own fears about the world, and she even got an unexpected 10-minute hug from her 17-year-old son. It is a deeply connecting experience to be witnessed in this way. Modeling this shows teens that they don't have to hold in hard feelings, which is especially important for boys who are often conditioned to "suck it up."
Raging Is Not a One Time Practice
One of the most important things to understand is that this isn’t a one-and-done solution. It is something to practice over and over again, ideally daily. Betti has been on her healing path for over a decade and has done extensive trauma and inner child work. However, the hard feelings don't disappear forever because we live in a world with continuous injustice and chaos. If you aren't feeling heavy emotions at times, you aren't paying attention.
I learned something similar with EFT Tapping. As a client, I was “sold” the idea that you could just do it once and get rid of a troubling issue forever. But that’s not really how it works. When I became an EFT practitioner, I realized issues keep popping up, even if they lessen over time.
Why It’s Hard to Change Emotional Patterns
Betti described how neural pathways become carved into our brains over time. Yucky feelings might be uncomfortable, but because they’re familiar, they become our baseline. It can feel comfortable to stay in a known state (even if we’re miserable) and can feel uncomfortable to do the work that will help us to get out of it.
That explains why we sometimes hesitate even when we know a practice will help us. We can recognize what we’re feeling and still not want to stop and take the time to do a raging practice. However, each time we practice a different response, we are actively re-carving those neural pathways.
How Long Does a Raging Practice Take?
There isn’t a set amount of time required for the practice. It can be as short as a three-minute song!
When you first experiment with this practice, it might take a bit more time because it is new. The more you practice it, the shorter it generally becomes. This is because your brain learns the pattern of feeling the emotion, moving through it, and feeling better afterward. Eventually, your brain recognizes that it is safe to release the emotion and move on with your day.
What Happens After We Release the Rage?
Once the energy has moved through, the experience changes. When Betti finishes releasing her energy, she likes to squat down and touch the Earth or the floor. At that point, she allows herself to receive grounding energy back.
Often, she also gains clarity on whatever caused her stress in the first place. If she was overwhelmed by a long to-do list, she suddenly knows which single task to tackle next. Releasing heavy feelings clears the path so we can take our next steps rather than pretending the difficult feelings aren't there.
Why Bring the Body Into Emotional Healing?
Rage dancing highlights the importance of involving the physical body in emotional work. Heavy emotions and trauma can become physically lodged in our bodies.
When Betti started her healing path over 10 years ago, talk therapy helped her understand her situation intellectually, but it didn't move the trapped energy out of her body. Moving physically through dance or shamanic healing helps dislodge and transform the energy stuck within us.
Ancient Practices of Moving Difficult Emotions
Rage dancing connects to ancient traditions, like Indigenous drumming circles around a fire where people used rhythm, stomping, and clapping to process emotions. Modern life has separated us from these collective practices that once allowed communities to move trauma and grief together.
Betti works to bring these collective practices back into the modern world. She holds bi-annual wailing circles where people gather to rage and heal in a shared container. She is also co-creating a practice called "fire dance" to use ancient, rhythmic movement to transform energy and foster a better world.
We Don’t Have to Pretend Everything Is Fine
Anger, rage, grief, and despair are real responses to personal trauma and world events. While we shouldn't use our rage to harm others, we also shouldn't pretend it doesn't exist. We can find safe outlets, like pounding pillows, shouting, or rage dancing, to let the energy move through us. It may feel uncomfortable and we may hesitate, but consistent practice allows us to stop stuffing our feelings, carve new neural pathways, and reclaim our voice, power, and purpose.
Betti Rooted Lionheart (she/her) is a Shamanic Healer who helps people transform trauma, rage, grief, and despair into Voice, Power, and Purpose. She is passionate about working with Teens, Queer People, and anyone who feels despair for the Earth and Humanity. Betti is a Spiritual & Emotional Empowerment Activist, Fire Priestess, Minister of the Church of Earth Healing, Mother of two Teenage Sons, Queer, and the founder of Braided Root Waters Healing Sanctuary in Trumansburg, NY. She offers (in-person & online) powerfully transformative Shamanic Healing Sessions, 1:1 Shamanic Mentorships for Teens, Shamanic Workshops, a Queer Despair & Resilience Circle, & a Wailing Circle.
Connect with Betti: Website | Facebook1 | Facebook2 | Instagram
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